I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
