i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
