So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
