oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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