i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
