i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
