It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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