this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
