If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
