I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
