i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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