In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I didn't notice because vodka
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Randomize
