im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
