He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
