I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
