if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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