You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
