I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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