Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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