i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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