made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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