I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
