We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My bed smells like the plague
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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