Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
