it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
