I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
