Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ttyl tear gas
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
