Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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