My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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