i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
