i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Enjoy the penises
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
