so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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