Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
