have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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