I think I won the penis lottery.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize