Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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