it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
