Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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