Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
