There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
