Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
