you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
