i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
