just tell him i said nine months
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
