My nipple is on Facebook.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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