Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
