I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is the high leading the old right now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
