I must be too annoying 4 u.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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