I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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