Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
