Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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