my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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