Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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