You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
