She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
