Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
