yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
