who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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