you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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